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Branded by Russell
I say good work Russell Brand, you should be knighted by the stuffy Queen herself. Your performance at the MTV video music Shill Awards this past weekend, dramatized with your crazy hair and constant need to YELL EVERYTHING you speak, was a breath of fresh air for us Yankees.
Imagine a musical product, of a marketing department and with the insistence from a Big Media executive, becoming a global phenomenon (not unlike an influenza outbreak) and then being taunted on the very airwaves the Big Media owns…by a Brit! Blimey! And then, not just imagine, but watch as the Jonas Brothers try to corral PR flackwo/men to help them explain that they are very proud of their virginity. ‘Yeah for the Big V!’, they assume all America will yell in unison. No, not you young Palin, you aren’t admitted to this Virginity Summer of Love.
The scenario, for the fans of this worthless band is this: first, in their pre-teen years they find common identity with the struggles of being a teen and keeping that precious V card. Then as they get older, the audience presumably will identify with the pressures of being So-Fucking-Rich that the plane you fly in goes too quickly to Mach 1 and that getting around the world in luxury leads to constant bad breath and the farts, because of the altitude, or so their manager-Mother-Father tells them. The alienation the members of the band feel leads to the following in 2 years time – after one overdoses on heroin (saved in the nick of time, with the story splashed on OK! mag), another admits to being addicted to Internet porn and the other divulges he’s gay – we’ll all thankfully forget them.
Then, as these females reach their mid-late 20’s the Brothers will muster a reunion tour (à la NKOTB) and besides the masturbatory function of nostalgia, these women will miss the irony. The Brothers will have wreaked their lives all because of the ‘pressure’ of it all. The pressure of being a roll-model, the pressure of being a virgin, the pressure of being serious: ‘why so serious?’ indeed. Oh how nice it would be to have The Joker host the MTV awards, just keep your pencils at home attendees!
The Big Media Conglomerates are rubbish at creating rock stars (duh). The same formula is used over and over again (duh, right?). If they weren’t so bad at it I wouldn’t have to write about it. How endearing would it be if they were actually good at it? ‘Good’ defined here as the absence of inner-contradictions (among other things) they constantly produce. Currently Miley Cryrus is all the rage in pop culture, but last time I checked she’s underage, so grown adults looking and thinking naughty thoughts about her are all pedophiles, right? Contradictions.
Shame on MTV too. The smaller and more intimate venue this year was a good choice, but I can’t help thinking that I miss the MTV of the 80’s (in many ways); more specifically I miss the way it used to not take itself so seriously. We’re all so serious these days. Especially about music. Funny. Look there, I just laughed. Try it.
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